Happy July 4, 2022! I say this with some sarcasm since Roe vs. Wade was overturned on Friday, June 24, 2022, and the USA has to control the bodies of every minority person somehow in the United States of Amerikkka including women.
However, this is not the point of this blog today on Independence Day.
Today, I have declared my Independence. I have come to realize even though I’m dating a nice Nigerian man that I will not get married.
I have come to realize that God had other plans for me despite my concerns. That my independence will help myself and my immediate family.
No, I am not LGBTQ+. I never was and never will be. I appreciate a penis.
My conclusion today comes at 51 years old that never had children but wanted them. I just wanted to wait until I was married. When I didn’t get married, I didn’t have children.
I wanted a husband and kids but this didn’t happen for me. I will not adopt a child. My parents experienced a very harsh adoption. My brother is mentally ill. I pray for him constantly. I also have a mentally disabled brother and a deceased elder sibling. I pray for my living siblings daily.
Now that I’m past child bearing age (or my gynecologist doesn’t recommend pregnancy at my age) and I’m still not married, I have let go and let God. The government would say that I would need to carry a pregnancy to term in my 50s even though it would be my first pregnancy and it could kill me at this point. It’s a complete lack privacy for women. I am pro-life but vote pro choice. It’s a woman’s choice and should remain as such with their doctor. I wanted a baby but it’s now a hole in the dark for me at this age.
In the meantime, I desired a family. Men came and went. Nothing came into existence for me in the form of marriage. I was asked once but the man was such a jerk (asked me over the phone), that I immediately turned him down. He was a complete asshole.
Love never found me so I have to love myself.
I will dedicate my life in helping myself and my family. Maybe God will bless me in these endeavors. I hope so. I pray continuously for health, strength, and Christ’s love.
So, I have made a decision today. The US government doesn’t own my body, nor a man. I am a spiritual person so Christ owns me. That is it. I will continue to make my own choices and pray for God’s protection for me.
Meanwhile, the Nigerian man that I’m dating seems not to want marriage neither. After discussing what his purpose and desires were for the next three years, he and I don’t seem to include each other. I know that I retire in 2025. He doesn’t have the capability to do so financially. I don’t see a future for us.
Knowing this now is helpful. I can prepare my life for retirement and thank God for what I was capable of doing. I am also asking God for a clearer picture of my purpose in life.
I know that women make so many choices starting in their teen years. I made choices to wait for marriage but it never came. However, women still have choices.
Choose love for oneself every single day.
I choose me.