Independence Day ! (Living as a Single Woman)

Happy July 4, 2022! I say this with some sarcasm since Roe vs. Wade was overturned on Friday, June 24, 2022, and the USA has to control the bodies of every minority person somehow in the United States of Amerikkka including women.

However, this is not the point of this blog today on Independence Day.

Today, I have declared my Independence. I have come to realize even though I’m dating a nice Nigerian man that I will not get married.

I have come to realize that God had other plans for me despite my concerns. That my independence will help myself and my immediate family.

No, I am not LGBTQ+. I never was and never will be. I appreciate a penis.

My conclusion today comes at 51 years old that never had children but wanted them. I just wanted to wait until I was married. When I didn’t get married, I didn’t have children.

I wanted a husband and kids but this didn’t happen for me. I will not adopt a child. My parents experienced a very harsh adoption. My brother is mentally ill. I pray for him constantly. I also have a mentally disabled brother and a deceased elder sibling. I pray for my living siblings daily.

Now that I’m past child bearing age (or my gynecologist doesn’t recommend pregnancy at my age) and I’m still not married, I have let go and let God. The government would say that I would need to carry a pregnancy to term in my 50s even though it would be my first pregnancy and it could kill me at this point. It’s a complete lack privacy for women. I am pro-life but vote pro choice. It’s a woman’s choice and should remain as such with their doctor. I wanted a baby but it’s now a hole in the dark for me at this age.

In the meantime, I desired a family. Men came and went. Nothing came into existence for me in the form of marriage. I was asked once but the man was such a jerk (asked me over the phone), that I immediately turned him down. He was a complete asshole.

Love never found me so I have to love myself.

I will dedicate my life in helping myself and my family. Maybe God will bless me in these endeavors. I hope so. I pray continuously for health, strength, and Christ’s love.

So, I have made a decision today. The US government doesn’t own my body, nor a man. I am a spiritual person so Christ owns me. That is it. I will continue to make my own choices and pray for God’s protection for me.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian man that I’m dating seems not to want marriage neither. After discussing what his purpose and desires were for the next three years, he and I don’t seem to include each other. I know that I retire in 2025. He doesn’t have the capability to do so financially. I don’t see a future for us.

Knowing this now is helpful. I can prepare my life for retirement and thank God for what I was capable of doing. I am also asking God for a clearer picture of my purpose in life.

I know that women make so many choices starting in their teen years. I made choices to wait for marriage but it never came. However, women still have choices.

Choose love for oneself every single day.

I choose me.

Kim

 

COVID-19 Anxiety

Since March 12, 2020, the school system shut down in person teaching and automatically switched to online teaching. It was sink or swim for many teachers. For me, I had started working from home online teaching ESL students in China with a company called VIPKID which I still do to this day. The company allows me to work online from home so I was ahead of the game. I already had an online classroom along with my voice-over room in my home. Two rooms were set up for online businesses. I was grateful.

Now that we are in July (four months along), the solitude has been tough. I come from a broken home with both parents still married but with many sibling issues. As an observer, I’ve watched my family go through high levels of stress with two brothers that are disabled. One brother has a family of six who is homeless and the stress of supporting my siblings’ family during COVID-19 has taken its toll.

Obviously, the financial strain has been difficult during COVID-19 with a brother who’s family is homeless and another disabled brother that is located back in Oklahoma with no family at all able to see him due to COVID-19.

I have more to share. However, I will leave with this comment. Acknowledge the difficulties. Seek assistance that is available. I have a group of people in a Bible Study class that prays for everyone which has been a solid group of people to also pray for. I have gone to therapy. Yes, my family has gone to counseling due to the high level of stress that we’ve endured. I also have sought individual counseling. I will go back again. I have a blog so that I don’t put my family on blast. It would be a downer to have a YouTube channel and I don’t want to showcase my family or myself in that platform in that way.

COVID-19 has skyrocketed that anxiety levels of people around the world. It looks like I will be working from home for the rest of 2020. The numbers of infected people keep rising which means that educational institutions will more likely continue virtual learning until the numbers drop. I don’t see that happening in the near future in the so-called United States of America.

I support my family in different ways: financially, day care for my nieces, assist with doctor visits for my parents, visit my sibling in Oklahoma or set up video conferencing concerning his welfare with the state agency, parents and myself.

If you see me and ask me how I’m doing, more likely I will say that I’m thankful. I am. I’ve seen too much and lived through much stress. However, I’m thankful to have what I have. I have more to share but I won’t continue. Hold your head up high. Work hard and smart. Live your dreams. Pray and meditate. Eat for health and strength. Be kind.

Repeat.

Kim

 

Thankfulness

Honestly, I pause concerning this.

My family and I have gotten through the stormy 2014 this year.
Dad was able to refund the loan that I gave him. I forgave the loan. However, I was sinking more into debt so he repaid it.

Mom had two hip replacement surgeries this year which was five (5) months apart. She’s doing great. I’m very thankful that she’s doing so well.

Dad is getting better. He totally lost it, taking care of his mom, helping his two disabled sons and not telling anyone that he needed assistance. He was used to taking care of everything. Mom and I had to support him as he worked on getting his finances together.

Me, it was a caustic year. Many lessons were learned but I’m thankful. I just need time to reflect on our family and where we fell short. I also have to protect myself. I fully gave him financial support but it cost me dearly. Since I don’t have siblings that can support me nor a personal family, I have to protect myself. Even to my family, I will need to say, “no.”

I’m thankful to keep my home and not declare bankruptcy. It will take me a very long time to come back though. If you believe in prayer, I would appreciate them for me and my family. My disabled brothers are well so I’m thankful for that.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I hope that you feel the same.

Kim

 

Good news…

My dad has finally received some good news. His settlement from a car collision will pay a certain amount that is acceptable to him. I forgave my dad the loan that was used from me. However, he may repay some funds to me.  We’ll see. Also, I will get a roommate that I know well. A choral director. We’ll have lots to talk about.

Prayers for my mother as she goes through her second hip replacement. It’s been a tough year.

Thankful for God’s presence and His care. I’ve been sorely tested. Many people have though, I know.

Stay well and stay blessed.

Kim

 

unHappy Independence Day

First of all, Happy 4th of July! It’s a blessing to live in a country with religious freedom and rights for mankind (and animals). This is the most prosperous country in the world.

Unfortunately, it’s the most prosperous country in the world; however, it’s extremely poor in other ways. Everyone spends more time on social media than with their own families.

For me, it was the worst holiday with my family ever. My parents are having extreme financial difficulties which has come to haunt me as well. I helped my parents. However, it hurt my bottom line too. I unfortunately had to leave them today since I was unable to resolve my issues with them. I hope that our houses can be restored.

I am unable to share details of the situation. I just pray for myself and then for my parents and siblings.

Holidays remind me of unity. Let’s hope that unity can be restored in broken homes and inside spirits.

God bless America and each of us, everyone.

Kim

 

Happy Mother’s Day

Today, I was able to spend some time with my mother. I’m blessed to say that she’s doing very well. My parents requested that I don’t post their pictures on Facebook nor social media sites and I will not reveal their names. However, I’m thankful to say that my parents have been married for 53 years. I didn’t get that gene but I’m thankful for them. 🙂

My mom and I had a great talk today. We talked about men. Some things never change. I think she’s interested to know how I’m doing as a woman and I listen to how my mom and dad got along, especially before they got married. At times, I still learn something new that I’ve never heard them say before. It’s very interesting, since they were married 10 years before I came into the world.

I’m very thankful to have such frank discussions with my mom, especially on Mother’s Day. I cherish the time with her. She’s a blessing and my father is too. They appreciate the time that I spend with them as well.

Have a blessed Mother’s Day with your mom, biological or not. Cherish the women who had a positive impact on your life. I’m thankful that I have a wonderful mother.

Thank you mom and God bless you!

Kim

 

Family

For the most part, I don’t write about my family. However, a family member that you love will make you respond in a way that forces you to explain, write, complain, share, celebrate, etc. Today, my dad really forced me to think about how I want deal with my family in the future.

Everyone goes through issues with family. In this case, my parents are in their 70s and it’s time to help them (as best that I can without getting hurt). However, that’s with anyone.

I’m not sure how my dad got into financial trouble but he did. My parents were always great with money but my dad had a lot of financial trouble and asked me many times to help him in very large amounts of money to the point of wiping me out.

I helped him. I was baffled, surprised, confused, and didn’t know what was going on in that house that my parents have lived in for the past 25 years.

I’m not sure if he will be able to repay me the money. I’m upset with him, that’s very clear. Now, I just don’t want to see him or my mother for a while. I just need them to leave me alone. The secrets alone are enough to get on a person’s nerves. I was asked not to share that he had to “borrow” money from me to my mother.

Needless to say, I’m thinking about talking with a counselor just so that I don’t share this information with the world like I’m doing now. lol It’s private information and I may take down this post in the future. Right now, I just needed to share some things about my family. The Christian father who teaches Sunday School took a few thousand dollars and mentioned that he would throw me a hundred to help me out if I needed it and “pray” for me.

For someone who helped so many people, I’m afraid that helping his daughter was hurting her financially. I’m not sure where this is going. I believe in prayer although I can cuss like a sailor if provoked. I’ve learned to be a strong girl (like most black women) through my mother. Mom will need two hip replacement surgeries as well. I see a lot of family issues on the horizon. I’m not sure if it will get any better.

If you believe in prayer, please pray for me. Thanks.

Kim

 

Intimate Relationships

Hey there,

One thing that I never share is about my personal life. I will take a moment to describe it here….

*crickets*

That’s about it.

One thing that I will share though. I’ve had some great relationships. Technically if anyone wants to know: I’m not a homosexual or bisexual (probably would have had more fun). I’m a gal who’s had some great sex (thank God) and lived to tell about it with good health.

My goal is to have integrity in my relationships. There is a faith base to it that I pursue in my intimate life. I can’t live without it. Race doesn’t matter to me or my immediate family.

One thing that I will share as a performer. It’s tough. No doubt about it. Any woman whose a performer lives a tough life whether single or married. It’s not an easy road. Men have it rough but women have it rougher (no pun intended). It’s a very rough terrain road with skills that only God can give you to survive it. I love the performer’s life but it can be a lonely one. It’s enjoyable, delectable, spontaneous, and even righteous; it’s everything that a settled life isn’t for a married spouse with a family unless there is a financial means to obtain that.

I’m not a lonely woman but I’ve had loveless relationships. The only true long-lasting relationship I’ve ever had was with my parents and friends. They keep me grounded. My love relationships have all ended at one time or another mostly amicably which is a good thing. I respect most of my exes. Yes, they are on Facebook. They are politicians, parents, artists, and friends. They are great men. I’m glad of what we had together.

Yet, I live an artist life. It’s a rough road and to share it with someone would have to involve a trust and faith-based man who only he knows has what it takes to support an artist’s life. For me, it’s a loveless life until I find love or it finds me.

Let’s at least toast to the ones that loved us or we loved them. I toast my exes and the life that I have today. God take care of us everyone! (yeah..that was a version of the Christmas Carol line).

Kim

 

Family Memories: Caretaker Roles

From time to time, I will write about my family memories. This has nothing to do with voice overs but includes the “me” in GVOS and Me. Sometimes, a reflection heals the soul and I don’t mind sharing from time to time.

My grandmother, Eunice “Shug” Geter’s visitation was today with my parents. Grandma is 95 year’s young. Although, she is so ready to go most days that we don’t always as the younger generation (I’m talking 72 and under with my parents and myself without some of those aches and pains) don’t see it that way. Grandma has a good mind and mentions without hesitation what the workers do and what they don’t do. Food with the older generation (mind you that grandma was highlighted for her cooking in Better Homes and Gardens in 1973) constantly is an irritation. Each sentence was punctuated with the phrase, “…and I left it on the plate.” A person can’t help but to laugh, however, it’s truly not a funny matter. Grandma could always get under dad’s skin. Saw some tough arguments on occasion with them that made me glance a second look but there was always love (of course). Dad helped his mom with everything while my mom would aid as best she could. Both my parents took on family: my uncle when he underwent surgery for prostate cancer: my great-aunt Aunt Jessie when diagnosed with dementia; and my grandmother when my Uncle wasn’t able to help due to health issues. My aunt (her step-mother) didn’t share a good relationship.

Family dynamics are interesting. My parents are care givers. I will help my parents although this gene wasn’t really found in my DNA but I will be there for them.

For me, this is an interesting topic. I didn’t mean to write this particular topic, but others will follow from time to time. This is a snapshot of family memories of my parents in a caretaker role.